It is okay to not be okay

I had two crazy things happen to me today that I had to document for later.  I met with my boss today and he and I had a great talk and he kept telling me how impressed he has been with how I have handled everything I have going on in my personal life.  It surprises me every time someone says that to me because my brain just always puts work first and so I have been early to work all year and just focused on work while at work.  He just reminded me to be kind to myself and remember that I have had a tough year and that I am human.

Then I was meeting with a teacher who is a dear friend and we were talking about this last year and she said, "well some teachers don't even know that you are divorced.  We all know that Karlie holds things close to the chest and everything is always okay even when it isn't."  I.was.shocked!  I am often told I share too much.

I think my coping mechanism this year has been to just tell everyone that things are okay and for the most part, they are.  I am so blessed to have the support system that I do.

This is me taking my first step to taking care of myself.  Things are not as okay as I am making it seem.  I have really dark days.  I am not my best mom self right now.  I get sad, overwhelmed, and lonely.

Because of these 3 though, I have hope.  I have love.  I have happiness.  They are so freaking hard, especially Eli right now.  He threw a fit at the grocery store today because it was raining and his sensory issues went into over drive.  This mean old lady came up to me and told me that it sounds like he needs a nap or some disciplining.  I wanted to punch her in her face and then I went and cried in the van.  I wish everyone was kind to others.  I have learned through my life to always think the best of people until they give you a reason not to.

And then a friend posted a video with this song in it and this is my new theme song!